Fernweh

Homesick for a place I have never been. I casually set aside my longing to seek out adventure, for mediocrity, a lesser future. One rife with apathy, suffering and guilt. What happened to the man who used to not cower at the world, now hidden from view like some kind of freakshow? Some beastly horror that would terrify anyone who got too close. Locked away, solitary confinement. This is my sentence. Piece by piece, my spirit has eroded and all that remains is flesh and bone. My addled mind feels like it's been beaten to a pulp, a constant war waging inside. I have betrayed myself. Avoided my true calling. Wasted so much time. And for what? I want to scream out at the world that I am still here, but I'm too busy blaming myself for all my shortcomings. Every time I try, it's like I'm lost in a desert, desperately looking for a drink of water, only to find mirage after mirage. And now I don't feel anything anymore. Numb to it all. I hope the roof flies off and sucks me into space.

by

Moto @fpsmoto